Terms Of Use
1. Don't be a douchebag. Seriously, don't be a douchebag, douchebags make the world lame, douchebags suck and don't deserve to live. They do anything to harm all that is good and pretty, by annoying the fuck out of because of their insecurity. Don't be a douchebag or I will kick you out of this website before you can say 'Shaboom!'. 2. Don't be annoying. Oh, sorry, I mentioned that already under 'Don't be a douchebag'. 3. Don't be an asshole to the other members in our community. That's unacceptable, I have better stuff to do than kick out annoying people from my website all day long. For that matter, people like that (you know what I mean, I don't need to describe it here) are douchebags, and as I said, douchebags are unaccepted here. 4. What else? Oh yeah, you can't sue me for anything. I don't have time for that crap, people over the internet like to sue each other like it's a new way to make gold out of shit. You can't sue me for anything (people will always try to find a way) if you use this website. You can only sue me if you have never used this website before. 5. Fuck, I should become a lawyer. I'm good at this stuff. 6. Don't bother me for stupid shit like 'my secret didn't get published'. If I didn't publish your secret that's probably for a good reason. Actually, two reasons: 1. You can learn from this experience and write a better horrible secret. 2. Your secret sucks, it's boring, it's lame, it's not amusing at all and it is a waste of my time to even moderate that crap. 7. Only I can make money of the secrets. You (i.e. weird person who is actually reading this crap) cannot use it for any commercial use, only I can do it. You can use what you find here and do whatever the fuck you want with it (I don't know, go write it on a public bathroom door or something), but you can't make money off of it. You can't use it in a book or something like, unless you are the person who wrote it. 8. I'm not responsible to any of the sick shit people write here. If you wrote something that's too fucked up (I'm too drunk to think of an example right now) it's your own fault and responsibility. For example, if you are a serial killer or something and you write it here and then the police calls me up and asks for your details and you get in jail, you can't sue me. 9. Don't take the stuff you read on this website too seriously. (i.e. don't be a douchebag). 10. In no event and under no circumstance am I responsible or liable to you or anybody else in no possible way any source of damage (indirect, imaginary, whatever) you or anybody else suffers from a misinterpretation of what anyone reads or write in this website. I'm not the one who writes the stuff here, it's people just like you and everyone you know. 11. I can change these rules whenever I feel like. 12. I can change them to whatever I want. Like, for example, I'm the king of this website and you must obey to all of my commands and you have to pay me weekly tribute if you want to visit this website. I can do whatever I want on this website(except, of course, give any of your privacy details to anyone, ever, without your permission. YES, ASSHOLES, I WILL NEVER GIVE YOUR STUPID EMAIL ADDRESS TO ANYONE. I WILL NOT SPAM YOU. Fuck, it's annoying to have to even write this, why the fuck would I want to do shit like that anyway?). I can kick you out, I delete secrets if I feel like, i just erase your messages if you piss me off and/or you are being a douchebag. I can do whatever I want, so don't be a douchebag. It's never worth it. 13. I can change this website and it's service whenever I feel like. I can decide tomorrow it's a website about pasta sauces for example. You may not be pissed off at me for any reason, ever. 14. When you submit a secret on this website, you give me a perpetual, irrevocable, royalty-free right and license to use, copy, distribute, transmit, distort, publicly display, publicly perform, reproduce, change, edit, modify, translate and reformat whatever you send me to www.myhorriblesecret.com and you will not get paid unless I really, really really like you, which probably will never happen because with all due respect I have better things to do in life than to meet strange people from the internet all day long. By telling me your secret (i.e. submitting material on my website), you waive on your own behalf and on behalf of any and all of your heirs, executors, evil twin siblings and assigns all claims that you or they may have against me or this little website. I don't care if you wanna sue anybody you want (you can sue your daughter or your boss for all I care, and I don't), just leave me out of it. For example, if you wrote here that your horrible secret is sleeping with your boss's wife and you're dumb enough to have your boss somehow find that out, you can't sue me for anything. That's just called being a douchebag (which, as I mentioned earlier, are not welcome here anyway). 15. What else? Yeah, you don't have any copyrights on the stuff you submit here. Otherwise that would just be a huge pain in the ass to deal with. You don't get paid, as I said, unless I really really like you. 16. What else? It's your responsibility to check this page regularly and see if I changed anything. For example, if I decide tomorrow that douchebags are allowed in (WHICH will NEVER HAPPEN), you have to know that. You have to be 'on top of your shit' as they say, and to regularly inspect this page. This is for two reasons: 1. I am going to periodically examine you, and you better not fail. 2. That's so that you can never sue me. 17. You have to accept all of the above to continue using this website. I can't believe you read this whole thing. But hey, if you're reading this line then you probably read the whole thing and now we both know that you read it and you have to agree to everything if you want to continue using this website. Fuck, I should really become a lawyer.
