I have a fetish for furries and basically anything that is a humanoid but not human

Yep its true, their actually are suck fucks like me out there. I’ll admit it, I think the idea of a humanoid being, especially a furry, fucking you up the ass, or the other way around, is extremely arousing. Must be some deep rooted childhood trauma linked to this, but really I’ll never know why I’m like this. Also I swear I legitly fell in love with those adorable ponies of the show MLP FiM. I’m in near ecstasy while watching an episode (can’t imagine the happiness I’d feel watching while on mdma) and smile at the adorable pictures of them on image board sites, and even check out the porn if I’m feeling extra damaged that day. A lot of the time tho, I think back to how cute they are, how perfect that world is, and how alienated I’d be from my friends if they found out about how I feel about them, and get extremely depressed and suicidal. I’ll admit, all of this, the ponies and the furries, drove me to attempt suicide and end up in a mental ward for a week. The shrinks there tried to evaluate me and find out whats wrong, but I just pulled out the “depressed because I’m gay” card and left it at that. Nobody can ever know about my secret, ever; even if it’s eating me from the inside out. My confidence is non-existant because of this stupid brain defect of mine, I loathe who I am. Some days I’m okay with it, and can keep it in the darkest corners of my mind, but days like today it kills me inside to know I’m a freak show. The only time I feel normal is if I’m high on hydromorphone, it numbs the pain of being a freak like me. Since I can’t tell anyone other then random people on the internet about this burden I’m carrying, I’ll have to be miserable and live with it for the rest of my life. It’s like having third degree burns on your sexual identity. Judge away you guys.